tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35590338597902819912024-03-05T03:10:56.508-08:00ellemennoppeeThe Everyday Adventures of Miss P, Substitute Teacher ExtraordinaireUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger87125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-89925193956345617342011-06-14T21:37:00.000-07:002011-06-14T21:42:09.487-07:00Hi everyone!<div><br /></div><div>It's been a long time since my last post, and there's a good reason for that: I got a new job! It's in education administration, so I am no longer subbing like I had been for several years. I do still get to work with kids though, which is a bonus, but it's a full-time office job. Unfortunately, the new job means I won't really have any material to blog about. But I decided to leave this little blog up here in cyberspace just as a fun reminder of my time subbing. I hope whoever stumbles upon it has a good laugh. </div><div><br /></div><div>I intend to come right back to this little blog when I get my own classroom, one day! Until then, it was really fun sharing my stories, and thanks for reading! </div><div><br /></div><div>-Teresa</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-14954483029892071182011-02-23T08:11:00.000-08:002011-02-25T18:29:23.894-08:00Lameball<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; " >Yesterday, I had to school some 3rd graders on the right way to play handball. Apparently the new trend is to catch the ball first, then throw it against the wall. Even my 89 year old landlady could do that.<br /><br />I watched them start their game of Lameball and said "Whoa whoa, what are you guys playing? That's not how you play handball!"<br /><p>A toothless boy said "Yuh-huh, that's how you play!" and I regressed to about 6th grade and said "No it's not! That's not handball, what are you guys doing?? Anyone can play like that, that's why the game is lasting 20 minutes. HIT IT, no catching!" </p><p>A few kids complained they couldn't play the right way and I said "oh well, time to learn" and gave them some quick pointers. And that's where someone might say, who cares about how kids play handball? Is there nothing better to worry about? And the answer is yes, I have<em>lots</em> of things to worry about.:<br /><br />theeconomymyfinancesjobsearchingrenttherisingpriceofgroceriesgasgoingupfamilydramathecaloriecontentofmymorningcoffee<br /><br />BUT instead, I choose to worry about the correct rules of handball being observed by 3rd graders.<br /><br /></p><br /><br /><br />Even after the initial protests from a few jelly-armed kids, I told the kids "I played handball since before you were born, I think I know this." BOOYAH.<br /><br />2 minutes later, I got hit in the face with a ball.<br /><br />But at least it was being properly hit!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-864594166479843792011-02-18T12:00:00.000-08:002011-02-18T12:04:09.768-08:00BACK!!Wow, it's been a long time! Sorry for the unannounced hiatus! I'm still here, still subbing, but life caught up with me and I neglected my poor little blog. But I promise not to leave for so long again!<br /><br />In honor of Presidents' Day, here are the most important facts about George Washington's life, according to 2nd graders:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vooYtkIWjN4/TV7QRn1xzwI/AAAAAAAAAUw/1U0cxXv6-Oc/s1600/891f90b1c835__1296067510000%2B%25281%2529.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vooYtkIWjN4/TV7QRn1xzwI/AAAAAAAAAUw/1U0cxXv6-Oc/s400/891f90b1c835__1296067510000%2B%25281%2529.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5575122389902151426" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Apparently, living with his brother was just as important as fighting in the Revolution. His brother was probably totally cool and had awesome parties, yo.<br /><br /><br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="if(typeof(jsCall)=='function'){jsCall();}else{setTimeout('jsCall()',500);}" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-50211548169075707992010-11-04T10:37:00.000-07:002010-11-04T10:41:39.702-07:00UmThe 3rd graders came in from recess and held all their playground toys. Jump-ropes, balls and such.<br /><br />We walked down the hallway where other classes were still in session and I heard a ball bounce. I turned without thinking and yelled "<span style="font-weight: bold;">HOLD YOUR BALLS!"</span><br /><br />:|<br /><br /><br />Luckily, they are still a bit young to catch the funny in that. LOL BALLS.<br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="if(typeof(jsCall)=='function'){jsCall();}else{setTimeout('jsCall()',500);}" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-32817768306619629612010-10-19T20:03:00.001-07:002010-10-19T20:04:22.276-07:00Today in kindergarten...HEY KIDS! Let's practice writing on our whiteboards! Copy this sentence:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://www.t-mobilepictures.com/myalbum/photos/photo35/a4/8a/b4bce9811e03__1287478975000.jpeg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 480px; height: 384px;" src="https://www.t-mobilepictures.com/myalbum/photos/photo35/a4/8a/b4bce9811e03__1287478975000.jpeg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="if(typeof(jsCall)=='function'){jsCall();}else{setTimeout('jsCall()',500);}" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-84215433431150266892010-10-04T13:15:00.000-07:002010-10-04T13:36:27.312-07:00Louder, Please<span style="font-family:georgia;">Why is it that when during a normal classroom session, you have to ask students to keep their voices down repeatedly, but when asking kids to read aloud in class, they suddenly cannot speak higher than a marble-sized gerbil?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Normally I am talking and I hear </span><span style=";font-family:georgia;font-size:180%;" >OMG LIKE TOTALLY JUSTIN BIEBER OMG I GOT A NEW CELL PHONE TOTALLY TEXT ME YOUR NUMBER OMG</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">but when I ask them to read, when I WANT to hear them, it becomes</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:georgia;font-size:78%;" >Charles looked up into the....sky, seeing the vats, I mean, vast clouds and birds...... flying..... overhead. He was amazed at........ what he saw.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">And I will say "Louder please. Nice clear voices." <strike>LISTEN YOU TURDS, I KNOW YOU CAN READ LOUDLY CAUSE YOU CAN'T BE QUIET ANY OTHER TIME.</strike> QUIT YER MUMBLING.</span><br /><br /><br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="if(typeof(jsCall)=='function'){jsCall();}else{setTimeout('jsCall()',500);}" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="if(typeof(jsCall)=='function'){jsCall();}else{setTimeout('jsCall()',500);}" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-78451835698137441682010-09-22T08:44:00.000-07:002010-09-22T09:00:49.633-07:00ParrotsWhen I am talking to kids, I often realize how differently I will phrase things in order to make them student-appropriate. For example, recently I was subbing for 2nd grade and the kids were writing about pets. One child wrote that he wanted a pet parrot. I smiled and said "A parrot is a neat pet. But you have to be careful. I got bitten on my finger by a parrot once."<br /><br />The little boy asked what happened, and I paused for a second.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">What I say to a child: </span>"Well, I was not making good choices and I put my finger in his cage."<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">What I would say to an adult:</span> "I was being a dumbass and wanted to see how hard it could bite. And yeah, it bites HARD. I almost shattered a knuckle. Luckily his beak had just been filed. Seriously though, totally stupid and I was sober, which makes it even worse."<br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TJonwq7JQnI/AAAAAAAAATg/cFl4s5wfFTg/s1600/FL_AfricanGrayParrot03.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 268px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TJonwq7JQnI/AAAAAAAAATg/cFl4s5wfFTg/s400/FL_AfricanGrayParrot03.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5519768010405528178" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Other examples:<br /><br />"You need to keep your hands to yourself."<br /><strike>Keep your hands to yourself or I won't notice when that girl clocks you for touching her hair again.</strike><br /><br />"That was not a good choice."<br /><strike>What the hell is wrong with you??</strike><br /><br />"I can't seem to find it"<br /><strike>Your teacher needs to clean this crap up because I can't even find a damn pencil.</strike><br /><br />"That was an interesting experience."<br /><strike>I'm so blogging about this shit later.</strike><br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="if(typeof(jsCall)=='function'){jsCall();}else{setTimeout('jsCall()',500);}" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-33880009500558432602010-09-16T20:37:00.001-07:002010-09-16T20:50:11.075-07:00Three Kinds of Pets<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs311.ash2/59182_10100177937803036_2514073_57038610_2351103_n.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 480px; height: 384px;" src="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs311.ash2/59182_10100177937803036_2514073_57038610_2351103_n.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br />This 7 year old meant "I like dogs" but instead wrote "I like god." I'm sure God understands the mix-up. It probably happens a lot. Especially when you're 7.<br /><br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="if(typeof(jsCall)=='function'){jsCall();}else{setTimeout('jsCall()',500);}" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-52922546344378501672010-09-16T20:29:00.001-07:002010-09-16T20:36:39.067-07:00We're back!<span style="font-family:georgia;">School has started! I got a call to come in for 2nd grade! After 3 months off, I was ready to be back!</span><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;font-family:georgia;">Excitement!<br />Energy!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">MISS P IS BACK!!!!!</span><br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a style="font-family: georgia;" href="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs559.snc3/30560_986129197046_2514073_53672266_4673009_n.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 225px;" src="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs559.snc3/30560_986129197046_2514073_53672266_4673009_n.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">Our schools have faced severe cuts this year. There is a lot to be upset about. Many of my teacher friends have lost their jobs. But this blog is not ever going to be sad. There is still a lot to be happy about and a lot of joy and goodness here. And that's what I'm going to share, because I love school, and these tough times will pass.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:georgia;">Glad to be back!!!</span><br /></div></div><br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="if(typeof(jsCall)=='function'){jsCall();}else{setTimeout('jsCall()',500);}" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="if(typeof(jsCall)=='function'){jsCall();}else{setTimeout('jsCall()',500);}" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-89525858113573877192010-07-26T19:01:00.000-07:002010-07-26T19:07:03.454-07:00Thut Up!<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" 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mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNormal">This is the story of how straightening my teeth made me a crappy teacher.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">Two years ago, I decided that my teeth were terribly crooked and I should spend several thousand dollars to get them straightened. In reality, they were barely out of line but at the time I thought my teeth were the key to success in life and they had to be absolutely perfect. Since the crookedness was so minimal, my dentist said I would be a good candidate for invisalign.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">Invisalign is two plastic trays, molded to your teeth. Each few weeks you get a new set of trays that move your teeth into their new, straight place. They’re supposed to be great because they’re clear and no one knows you’re wearing them! Unlike bulky, obvious braces, invisalign is supposed to make everything wonderful and get you perfect teeth in a jif.</p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">This is what you look like with braces:</p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TE4-ThSNqTI/AAAAAAAAASY/flWYjTOB1zs/s1600/braces.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 277px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TE4-ThSNqTI/AAAAAAAAASY/flWYjTOB1zs/s400/braces.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5498400700139153714" border="0" /></a></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">Nobody tells you that invisalign can give you a lisp and make basic speech awkward until you adjust to having a ton of plastic in your mouth. My first day with the trays, I walked into 3<sup>rd</sup> grade and promptly realized I could not pronounce the most basic sounds. Sounds like “SHHH,” which is basically 70% of my daily speech to children. “Shhh” became “Thhhh” and I was so frustrated in trying to get the kids to listen to me with my new lisp and sore mouth.</p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p style="font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">“Lithen! You guyth need to lithen! Thhhhh!!!! Eyeth up here! I’m thpeaking!”</span></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">Do you know how hard it is to talk about fracthunth? And Thothal Thtudieth? </p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">By noon, my mouth could barely do any more of the gymnastics required for basic lessons. The kids were out of control. I didn’t want to talk. My tongue refused any more acrobatics just to reprimand anyone. Miss P was down and out.
<br /></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">The next day, I thought I might start off my introduction by telling the kids I sounded a little weird because of the invisalign. This did nothing. Aside from the weirdness of having the kids SUPER interested in my mouth because I told them about the trays, they still didn't listen and I still had a lisp. Only now they knew why.
<br /></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">So for the first month of my teeth straightening odyssey, until I learned how to speak with them in, the children under my care were basically nuts. </p> <input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="if(typeof(jsCall)=='function'){jsCall();}else{setTimeout('jsCall()',500);}" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-36209103653328935422010-07-20T20:54:00.001-07:002010-07-20T20:55:26.783-07:00OH HAIHi guys! I'm still here! We're on summer break so no new stories to share, but I will post some old favorites soon that happened before this blog started. :D<br /><br />Hope everyone is having a great summer!<br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="if(typeof(jsCall)=='function'){jsCall();}else{setTimeout('jsCall()',500);}" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-45905059127776801222010-07-03T08:25:00.001-07:002010-07-03T09:28:28.319-07:00The AnnouncementOne day, in first grade, I was demonstrating a math problem on the white board. I was explaining away, and I turned my head and asked something about tens and ones, to gauge how much they'd understood: "Now what happens when you have 12 ones? What can you do with that?"<br /><br />A little hand shot up eagerly. A boy with a buzz cut, and a missing front tooth. I nodded at him (the signal for "go on, tell me") and he shared:<br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><br />"The baby, that was in my mom's stomach, it came out!"</span><br /><br />Me: 0_o<br /><br />Now, I am used to getting answers that have nothing to do with the question I just asked. The problem was his answer could mean something wonderful or something terrible. I cautiously asked "Oh? What was the baby, a boy or a girl?"<br /><br />"Girl!" he announced. He sounded happy, yes, this was a birth announcement. I exhaled. He continued:<br /><br />"She is a girl, and her head is this big (he compared it to his palm). Her hands are really small." He couldn't remember her name, or what day she was born. But she was born.<br /><br />I said "Wow, that's wonderful. Thank you for telling us. Alright, now back to tens and ones..."<br /><br /><br />If this kid sent out the birth announcement, it would look like this:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TC9adJYgxmI/AAAAAAAAARA/9fA0W27O2Eo/s1600/bb.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 314px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TC9adJYgxmI/AAAAAAAAARA/9fA0W27O2Eo/s400/bb.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5489705927569360482" border="0" /></a><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-9194688301425797732010-06-26T21:28:00.001-07:002010-06-26T21:31:40.716-07:00Will We?<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" 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line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal">In my second year of subbing, I was placed in a kindergarten class. Kindergartners are a tricky group. To me, they are the hardest age to work with and I avoid them as much as possible. They are perpetually sticky, toothless bundles of crayon wrappers and energy who all need their teacher’s attention at the EXACT SAME TIME. <span style=""> </span>This is all I see when I sub kindergarten:
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<br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TCbThmxsZCI/AAAAAAAAAQ4/WLOi3PVLobQ/s1600/kid.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 246px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TCbThmxsZCI/AAAAAAAAAQ4/WLOi3PVLobQ/s400/kid.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5487305770295649314" border="0" /></a></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">On this day in kindergarten, I took the children to the carpet with their white boards and markers. We were going to practice writing and reading together. Kids get the biggest kick out of whiteboards. I’m serious, I have never met a child who didn’t practically pee their pants at the chance to use a whiteboard. So I tell the kids that I will write a word, and then I want them to copy the word on their own board, and sound it out.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">We go through several words that they know: <i style="">you, the, see, we, me, to, at</i>….and then I decide to make simple sentences.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">I start with “We” and they copy. I add “Will” next to it. Out loud I read “We will…” Before I can add the third word, a little voice shouts out <span style="font-weight: bold;">“ROCK YOU!”</span>
<br />
<br />Giggles ensue, and a few other voices pipe in: “We will…we will ROCK YOU! WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU!!”</p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">“WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU!!”</span></p><p style="font-weight: bold; font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">Suddenly I have an entire carpet of kindergartners singing along. I could do nothing but laugh.
<br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">Somewhere, Freddy Mercury was smiling. </p> <input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-4478395076376467652010-06-22T09:45:00.000-07:002010-06-22T09:58:49.076-07:00Assembly Line<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link style="font-family: georgia;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CPiggy%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link style="font-family: georgia;" rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CPiggy%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link 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<![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">Last week, a 3</span><sup style="font-family: georgia;">rd</sup><span style="font-family:georgia;"> grade teacher asked me to take down students’ work that was displayed in the room and give it back to them. It was a daunting task, but I had been through about a gallon of coffee that morning and felt like running laps around the school, so I knew I could get the job done (and possibly climb the walls while I was at it). Also, I could get the kids to help!</span>
<br /></p> <p style="font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;" face="georgia" class="MsoNormal">Here is where I totally forgot that I was talking about 3<sup>rd</sup> graders.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">I asked for volunteers, and I got 20 of the most excited 8 year olds swarming me like I was made of free candy and stickers and I realized right away what a dumb request that was. I had to be organized.<span style=""> </span>So I regrouped and made up jobs for them. I went to the white board and wrote down the titles and who was doing what. Here is where my special talent for BS comes in handy.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">The children who I could depend on to pull things off the walls and not damage/tear/eat the paper were <b style="">Taker-Downers.</b> <span style=""> </span>That was their only job. Gently take things down. Also I like made up/jumbled words.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">They then handed the work to the <b style="">Sorters</b>, who had to remove staples/tape and sort the work into piles. <span style=""> </span>Staple-pullers. </p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">Then the <b style="">Passer-Backers</b> took the work and placed it on the desks of the students it belonged to.</p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">I described these jobs like we were responsible for safely launching a spaceship. I'm surprised I didn't get a Ground Control crew to chart us.
<br /></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">Now, I had to create a special category for 4 boys who I did not trust to do anything without being monumental pains in my ass or bothering other students. They were given the Very Special task of being <b style="">Supervisors</b>. I told the Supervisors have to walk around and make sure everyone is doing their job correctly, and if they are not, to quietly write their name down, and then secretly hand me the list so I could speak to the students who were not doing their jobs. (in reality, I did nothing, but kids love to rat each other out). This was mainly so the Supervisors stayed out of my hair while I took down the work from the highest parts of the walls and could be assured that they were not holding classmates in a headlock or breaking pencils.</p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">What I got at the end looked something like this:</p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TCDrVOoJWOI/AAAAAAAAAQw/ZRX2iMT3lYc/s1600/264892571_c0c101c54a.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TCDrVOoJWOI/AAAAAAAAAQw/ZRX2iMT3lYc/s400/264892571_c0c101c54a.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5485643096073525474" border="0" /></a></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">Slowly but surely, we did it.</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">And so it was this way that we took down an entire school year’s worth of work, together. Teachers need to be creative and flexible, and also kind of good at BSing.The Supervisors still think they got half their class in trouble for not pulling staples correctly. LOL on them, right?
<br /></p> <input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-46368328070186158672010-06-17T12:58:00.000-07:002010-06-17T13:19:24.572-07:00Google ItEvery day I am in a new class, having to teach new things. And these are all basic things, it's not like I'm subbing for Quantum Physics or anything. I'm just getting kids to understand ABC order or subtracting double digits (<span style="font-style: italic;">go next door, borrow 10 more!</span>). It's simple, simple stuff. And when I honestly do not know (like when a little 4th grade smarty pants asks me where electricity comes from and I want to say "uhhh, when you flip the switch?") I usually say "Well, let's find out!" I just don't want to say "I don't know." I feel totally inadequate and like the children will start crying and attack me with their pencils for my pathetic ineptitude. So when I don't know, I prolong the question, by asking more questions around it.<br /><br />And I google.<br /><br /><br />I google like a madwoman. I've googled things I already know, just to be sure. I am obsessed with google. I'm naming my firstborn child Google.<br /><br /><br />One day, I did not have google. And a child asked me a basic question that I DID NOT KNOW and I panicked, and gave the kid the wrong answer.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><br />D:</span><br /><br /><br />The 2nd grader asked me where George Washington was born. I froze. Where was he born? OMG WHERE WAS HE BORN?! HOW DO I NOT KNOW?!!! Was it England?! The colonies?! WHICH COLONY!?! My eyes immediately searched for the computer but that one day I did not bring it. I could not access the teacher's computer.<br /><br />I thought I could manage without google. And I obviously could not.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TBqDJpnW-SI/AAAAAAAAAQo/XVyMLnD18QM/s1600/googog.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 210px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TBqDJpnW-SI/AAAAAAAAAQo/XVyMLnD18QM/s400/googog.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5483839698089998626" border="0" /></a><br />I smiled and said "Well....he was born.....in....(come to me, come to me)....the country of....well at that time it was known as...(COME ON BRAIN, WOOOOORRRRKKK!!!)...<br /><br />England."<br /><br /><br />The kid said "Oh."<br /><br />As soon as I got home, I googled. That man was born in Virginia. HOW DID I FORGET?! I have damaged that child and being a sub, I will not see him again tomorrow to rectify my mistake and now UCLA is going to revoke my history degree and HOW AM I SUCH A FAILURE?!<br /><br /><br />I know one day someone will ask that kid "Where was George Washington born??" and he will say "England!" and that person will say "Uh, no. Who told you that?"<br /><br />And the kid will say <span style="font-weight: bold;">"THAT DUMB-ASS SUBSTITUTE MISS P!"</span><br /><br />Sorry, kid. :(<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TBqB1TsnqDI/AAAAAAAAAQg/Dd3GQ-UR1V8/s1600/lmnop+gw.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 331px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TBqB1TsnqDI/AAAAAAAAAQg/Dd3GQ-UR1V8/s400/lmnop+gw.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5483838249097472050" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-56742218378271087862010-06-16T09:51:00.000-07:002010-06-16T10:05:04.621-07:00Sub ReportSubs have to leave a report for the teacher telling them about their day. When I sub for my best friend, I like to get creative. I've left her notes in pictures, in dramatic illustrations, and simply a run-down of my inevitable emotional breakdown as the day progressed.
<br />
<br />One time, I left her this form, filled out. It's my Generic Sub Report.
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<br /><span style="font-size:100%;">
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I’m looking forward to a ________ time.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:100%;" ><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b style=""><span style="line-height: 115%;">Morning:</span></b></span><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:100%;" > We did___________________ and it was __________________.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:100%;" >Noteworthy Moments:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:100%;" ><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b style=""><span style="line-height: 115%;">Mid-Day:</span></b></span><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:100%;" > We worked on_______________________ and it was ___________.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:100%;" >Students who <s>deserved a beating</s> needed extra attention:_________________.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b style=""><span style="line-height: 115%;">Lunch:</span></b></span><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:100%;" > I raced to my car in _____ seconds.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:100%;" ><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b style=""><span style="line-height: 115%;">Afternoon:</span></b></span><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:100%;" > We worked on____________________ and it was ___________.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:100%;" >Your students make me __________________ and __________________.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b style=""><span style="line-height: 115%;">Things You Should Know:<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:100%;" ><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:100%;" >Absent Students:____________________<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:100%;" >Detentions Assigned:________________<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:100%;" >Number of Tylenol Consumed:_________<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:100%;" ><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%;font-size:100%;" >I <s>beg God that you are not out again</s> hope you feel better soon! Your students were behaved ________________________.<span style=""> </span>Hope everything was__________________.
<br />
<br />
<br /></span></p><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-family:verdana;">[ ] Request me again</span>
<br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">[ ] Don't you dare</span></span>
<br />
<br />
<br /><p class="MsoNormal"><b style=""><span style="line-height: 115%;font-family:";font-size:24pt;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Sincerely, The Substitute</span><o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-6397306872814040262010-06-11T14:21:00.000-07:002010-06-11T14:37:33.856-07:00volcanoes!<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link style="font-family: georgia;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CPiggy%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link style="font-family: georgia;" rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CPiggy%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link style="font-family: georgia;" rel="colorSchemeMapping" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CPiggy%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml"><!--[if gte mso 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margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoPapDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; margin-bottom:10.0pt; line-height:115%;} @page WordSection1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.WordSection1 {page:WordSection1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">I love answering kids’ questions when they relate to something we just studied. It makes me feel like I’ve piqued some interest in their little heads and now they are off on a quest for more knowledge! That kind of stuff gets teachers HIGH. For serious, if kids knew how excited their teachers get when they show a real interest in learning more…they’</span><span style="font-size:100%;">d probably not care too much, actually. But teachers? WE GET HIGHER THAN KITES.
<br /></span></p><p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">But sometimes, it backfires. We get a kid that literally cannot control their verbal diarrhea and since it's related to class, you must answer so as not to extinguish that precious fire of curiosity in their soul but OMFG YOU WANT THEM TO STFU ALREADY PLEASE.</span></p><p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">During “free time” in 3<sup>rd</sup> grade (which incidentally is not so free, because you can either finish your work, read a book of your choice, or finish more work, but calling it <i style="">free time</i> gives the students the impression that they are in charge, which they are most certainly not, kind of like how the least democratic countries call themselves Democratic Republics, lol) a bespectacled little boy with spiky hair began reading a book about volcanoes and came up to me to ask a question. We had just studied the earth and its features. His word vomit began:</span></p> <p style="font-style: italic; font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">“Could the volcano erupt, on the first day of the new year, with lava and cover everything, like on the first day, with a volcano and it’s erupting?”</span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Me:<span style="font-weight: bold;"> o_0</span></span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">I tried to understand his question, but he was lost in a mental corn maze, clearly terrified about volcanoes and the images of lava spewing everywhere in his book. His cute little face was so anxious and serious. I reassured him that here in Los Angeles, we do not worry about volcanoes. We can worry about earthquakes and mudslides and having to share the freeway with Lindsay Lohan, but not volcanoes. He nodded and went back to his seat, only to return no less than 5 minutes later with another anxiety-ridden query.</span></p> <p style="font-style: italic; font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">“If the lava exploded here, could I run faster than the lava?”</span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Me: Yes, you could. (<span style="font-size:85%;">idk, really, you're probably screwed, kid</span>.) But it won’t be exploding here. </span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Kid: <span style="font-style: italic;">Could a baby crawl faster than lava?</span></span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Me: Yes. But there will be no eruptions. So the stray babies are safe.</span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">He looked very worried. I reassured him again,<span style="font-weight: bold;"> WE DO NOT HAVE VOLCANOES IN LOS ANGELES. WE ARE SAFE. </span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-weight: bold;">I SWEAR ON MY CAT’S HEAD, LOS ANGELES IS SAFE FROM LAVA.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;">
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:georgia;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TBKp3SG4yvI/AAAAAAAAAO0/kkWxtogSeMU/s1600/lmnop+volcano.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 383px; height: 364px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TBKp3SG4yvI/AAAAAAAAAO0/kkWxtogSeMU/s400/lmnop+volcano.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5481630463681940210" border="0" /></a></p> <p face="georgia" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">He sat down, read some more, furrowed his little brow and looked up at me. </span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">I sighed. “Yes, <strike>pain in my ass,</strike>, sweetheart, what is it?”</span></p><strike style="font-family: georgia;"> </strike><p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">He showed me a map in the book that listed all the active volcanoes in the world. I was about ready to just take it from him and give him “The Cat in the Hat” before he needed a Xanax, but I showed him how we were still very far from any of them. WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED TO KNOW, KID?!? DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL BILL NYE (we’re facebook friends btw)?! <span style="font-style: italic;">DO YOU WANT ME TO BLEED?!? </span><span style="font-size:85%;">(idk what that would do but I always like to dramatically add that in my head).</span></span></p><p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">
<br /></span></p><p style="font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">He sat down q</span><span style="font-size:100%;">uietly, staring at his book. He looked up at me again and said "If it erupts, I'm probably faster than the lava."</span></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">I promise you are. </span>
<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="font-size:100%;">
<br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" face="georgia"><span style="font-size:100%;"><o:p><strike> </strike></o:p></span></p><strike> <input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"></strike><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-16105916840684571652010-06-11T08:56:00.000-07:002010-06-11T09:04:10.850-07:00perceptive?Today a 3rd grader wandered into class before the bell rang and looked at me. Cute, chubby cheeks, glasses and a Hannah Montana shirt.<br /><br />"Are you the sub?"<br /><br />"Yes, I am."<br /><br />She looked me up and down and said "You're skinny."<br /><br />I laughed and said "Um...yeah, I guess I am?"<br /><br /><br /><br />I half expected her to pinch my collarbone like my mom and say "EAT! YA LOOK THIN!"<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TBJePIhmbGI/AAAAAAAAAOs/hnkHozz47Hc/s1600/I_Am_The_Teacher_funny_education_photographs.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 378px; height: 378px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TBJePIhmbGI/AAAAAAAAAOs/hnkHozz47Hc/s400/I_Am_The_Teacher_funny_education_photographs.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5481547310542777442" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Happy Friday!</span><br /><br /><br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-58660463355116564512010-06-10T08:50:00.000-07:002010-06-10T08:59:55.627-07:00assembliesI am not an intimidating person. I can't even scare little birds out of my garden. And I am not an intimidating teacher. I prefer to use positive reinforcement and all that other hokey hippie-kumbaya-around-the-campfire-love-yourself stuff they teach you in Teacher School. Also, I like stickers.<br /><br />But when it comes to school assemblies, Miss P turns into a raging hosebeast. School assemblies are a chance for the children to congregate and watch a performance or see their classmates win awards, and they are a chance for teachers to show everyone else how well-behaved their kids are. The principal is there, the vice-principal is there. Parents are there. EVERYONE IS THERE. And I never want to be That Sub. The one that cannot control her gaggle of juice-box hooligans to sit through an assembly and not embarrass her. It has happened to me before. I took some 4th graders to an assembly once, and it was for a fundraiser. The man showing the kids all the neat little prizes they could win thought it would be a good idea to toss some of them into the crowd. Three of MY BOYS dove for the little action figure and none of them was letting go. They tumbled in front of everyone, rolling and pulling and fighting like lion cubs and the PRINCIPAL came to yank them away. Who was the Substitute responsible for these hoodlums??!<br /><br /><br />Hi.<br /><br /><br /><br /> So I make sure to give them a SERIOUS WARNING before we enter the assembly.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TBEKDiLof5I/AAAAAAAAAOc/TATUWTIA3mE/s1600/lmnop+vader.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TBEKDiLof5I/AAAAAAAAAOc/TATUWTIA3mE/s400/lmnop+vader.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5481173277318086546" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br />I don't even ask. I tell. I'm all <span style="font-weight: bold;">"YOU WILL BE QUIET. YOU WILL SIT CRIS-CROSS APPLESAUCE WITH YOUR HANDS IN YOUR LAP AND YOU WILL PAY ATTENTION. AND IF I LOOK AT YOU AND I SEE NONSENSE, YOU WILL SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY <strike>HANGING BY YOUR ANKLES FROM THE JUNGLE-GYM </strike>IN </span><leo_highlight style="border-bottom: 2px solid rgb(255, 255, 150); background-color: transparent; background-image: none; background-repeat: repeat; background-attachment: scroll; background-position: 0% 50%; -moz-background-size: auto auto; cursor: pointer; display: inline; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial; font-weight: bold;" id="leoHighlights_Underline_0" onclick="leoHighlightsHandleClick('leoHighlights_Underline_0')" onmouseover="leoHighlightsHandleMouseOver('leoHighlights_Underline_0')" onmouseout="leoHighlightsHandleMouseOut('leoHighlights_Underline_0')" leohighlights_keywords="the%20office" leohighlights_url_top="http%3A//shortcuts.thebrowserhighlighter.com/leonardo/plugin/highlights/3_1/tbh_highlightsTop.jsp?keywords%3Dthe%2520office%26domain%3Dwww.blogger.com" leohighlights_url_bottom="http%3A//shortcuts.thebrowserhighlighter.com/leonardo/plugin/highlights/3_1/tbh_highlightsBottom.jsp?keywords%3Dthe%2520office%26domain%3Dwww.blogger.com" leohighlights_underline="true">THE OFFICE</leo_highlight><span style="font-weight: bold;">. IS THAT CLEAR?!"</span><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TBEKaPjv04I/AAAAAAAAAOk/KkRx2UI6PSo/s1600/kid.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 283px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TBEKaPjv04I/AAAAAAAAAOk/KkRx2UI6PSo/s400/kid.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5481173667455947650" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />I want to apologize to the kids afterwards and tell them I don't mean to be so stern, but I really, REALLY need them to be good and not make me look even more incompetent than I naturally appear. I wish they would just understand that. 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font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoPapDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; margin-bottom:10.0pt; line-height:115%;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">The best thing about teaching little ones, besides their unconditional love, is that they are unafraid to display their unconditional love, no matter how weird that display may be. Little kids like to give their teachers presents. Since they are not employed and rarely carry more than one crumpled dollar in their pocket for lunch, the presents are usually things they make or find. And again, since they are in school, presents must be limited to things they can find on the playground. This presents an interesting array of gift-giving possibilities.</p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TA5KBCnH5pI/AAAAAAAAAN8/Bim5dFNLaIg/s1600/lmnop+gifts.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 245px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TA5KBCnH5pI/AAAAAAAAAN8/Bim5dFNLaIg/s400/lmnop+gifts.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5480399178297763474" border="0" /></a></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">Now, unfortunately most playgrounds do not have Starbucks coffee or itunes cards lying around, so children must find things they think their teacher would also love: weeds, rocks and even an occasional pigeon feather. (Though I suspect even if there were giftcards lying around, we’d still get rocks and weeds because 6 year olds are poor decision makers). I can’t tell you how much I love to be gifted a healthy dandelion after morning recess from a toothless 6 year old who plucked it especially for me. See, it might just be a dandelion, but to the child, it is the most beautiful flower ever, better than a rose. So it really means a lot to them. I’ve also received blades of grass and interesting rocks that have those little sparkly bits embedded in them, and when something sparkles, it must be valuable, right?</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TA5KYoXLtXI/AAAAAAAAAOE/cBmQIQcR5SE/s1600/lmnop.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 238px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TA5KYoXLtXI/AAAAAAAAAOE/cBmQIQcR5SE/s400/lmnop.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5480399583568442738" border="0" /></a>
<br /><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">It’s the thought that counts. ;) </p> <input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-56521191783535925592010-06-07T08:34:00.000-07:002010-06-07T15:19:50.608-07:00Danger!Remember <a href="http://ellemennoppee.blogspot.com/2010/05/e-2-d-2.html">the kids from D2</a>? The kids I bribed with popsicles? It worked well to get me through the day but now D2 thinks I am the coolest sub EVAR and everytime they see me I am tackled by a bunch of waist-high maniacs who, if given the chance, would hug the crap out of me like I was some poor classroom hamster locked in their death-grip of affection. I peek out of my door to see if any of them are roaming the hallway and when it's clear, I make my exit quickly, only to hear a little voice yell "MISS P!!!!" and then I know I'm about to be jumped.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TA1wbm7A5lI/AAAAAAAAAN0/dw2oSdirhgw/s1600/hamster_1301300.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 276px; height: 354px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TA1wbm7A5lI/AAAAAAAAAN0/dw2oSdirhgw/s400/hamster_1301300.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5480159941186610770" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Today I am subbing for D1, D2's next-door neighbor. D1 hates my guts. They are third graders with attitude and Miss P is having approximately NONE of it these last weeks of school. But D2 is second grade.<br /><br />Second graders are made of 3 ingredients:<br /><br />-excitement<br />-the desire to please<br />-Go-gurt<br /><br />So D2 will see me gather D1's hooligans and yell "MISS P!!! HOW COME YOU'RE NOT IN OUR CLASS AGAIN!?!" And as sweet as that is, it's REALLY hard to get anything done when the kids love you so much. And so loudly. I can't be all King Leonidas with a kid looking at me with googly-love eyes saying "Miss P you're the best!" With the D1 snarly-faces? Oh yeah. But D2?<br />I am Miss Honey.<br /><br />Damn them for figuring out my kryptonite. I bet they just want popsicles.<input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-55850613918437235532010-06-03T11:29:00.001-07:002010-06-03T11:50:04.854-07:00squeakThere are few age groups that can take my nerves, roll over them with a garbage truck, put them in a blender, shred them, then set the blender on fire like 7th graders.<br /><br />I have nothing nice to say about 7th graders, so I won't even describe them.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TAf5B0vD4hI/AAAAAAAAAMc/s0t7XsqZyVA/s1600/7th.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 238px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TAf5B0vD4hI/AAAAAAAAAMc/s0t7XsqZyVA/s400/7th.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478621281450713618" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br />Today, a 7th grader thought it would be fun to squeak his sneakers against the linoleum floor of the science room. A loud, severely annoying, high-pitched squeak. I couldn't figure out who it was, so I said "STOP."<br /><br />*squeak*<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Me:</span> >:(<br /><br />A few minutes pass. Again, *squeak* *squeak*<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Me:</span> Whoever is doing that, knock it off.<br /><br />*squeak*<br /><br />THAT WAS IT. I stood up and glared at them. It is the end of the school year. I have spent 9 months dealing with these shenanigans, and I lost it. Every teacher gets to this point. Today, I got to mine. I must have looked like a deranged maniac in a green cardigan.<br /><br />A dramatically illustrated re-enactment:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TAf3f6b-lBI/AAAAAAAAAMU/YKBXxOLivV0/s1600/ddasda.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 257px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/TAf3f6b-lBI/AAAAAAAAAMU/YKBXxOLivV0/s400/ddasda.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478619599354106898" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><br /></span><br /><br />Yes. I threatened to take their shoes. Hearing something so absurd cause the real perp to laugh in shock, and I looked right at him and said "I mean it, if I hear so much as one more squeak, I will take your shoes and you can walk around in your socks!" He swallowed and looked at me seriously and said "But what if it happens by accident?"<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I WILL TAKE YOUR SHOES!!!!! </span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">THIS IS SPARTAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</span></span><br /><br /><br />I am SO ready for summer.<br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-58501835432343963262010-06-01T09:44:00.000-07:002010-06-01T09:50:16.310-07:00MaturityI am in my best friend's 4th grade classroom, watching her aide give a lesson on rhyming words.<br /><br />"What rhymes with far?"<br /><br />The kids just blurt words that rhyme, with no regard for the fact that most of them are not actual words.<br /><br />"Lar!"<br /><br />No.<br /><br />"Mar!"<br /><br />Is that word?<br /><br />"Gar!"<br /><br />Is that a word? Say it again. Is that a word?<br /><br />"Fart!"<br /><br />0_o<br /><br /><br />The aide manages to keep a straight face. Substitute Teacher Extraordinaire is hiding behind her laptop suppressing giggles. It was a nice 3-Day weekend and I am not completely back from vacation yet. I'm sorry, farts are still very funny.<br /><br /><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-25446033587048052982010-05-27T09:33:00.000-07:002010-05-27T09:41:02.378-07:00The Dinner Party<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link style="font-family: georgia;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CPiggy%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link style="font-family: georgia;" rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CPiggy%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link style="font-family: georgia;" rel="colorSchemeMapping" 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Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0in; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoPapDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; margin-bottom:10.0pt; line-height:115%;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNormal">Whenever I sub for grades 6-12, I almost never have to actually teach anything. I am there to make sure the kids do not injure each other (or me) and they are given busy work or a movie and I get paid to sit there and stare. Yay!</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" face="georgia" class="MsoNormal">But when I sub elementary school, I<i style=""> have</i> to teach. And this should be easy, since I passed the test that says I am not a moron and I am smarter than a 5<sup>th</sup> grader.
<br />Only I sometimes forget the basic stuff because I haven’t thought about it in YEARS. Stuff like multiplying fractions and the science terms. The hip-bone’s-connected-to-the-knee-bone, that kind of stuff. <span style=""> </span>I actually got Ds in every high school science class I ever took because I do not possess a scientific mind, and also you have to actually turn your work in (who knew?) to get grades. I just do NOT understand the goings-on of biology and chemistry and <i style="">forget </i>physics. Just forget it. I’m an emotional thinker. I wonder about motivation, inspiration, and feelings. And science just doesn’t have that. I can’t answer “what causes sunlight to refract into color?” with “the light had a sense of purpose in doing so, and knew it would bring happiness to everyone it touched…”</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">So one day, I was subbing for 4<sup>th</sup> grade so their teacher could run tests, and as I skimmed through the lesson plans, I saw: <b style="">Teach them about the parts of an atom</b>. OMFG THE PARTS OF AN ATOM?! <i style="">WHAT ARE THE PARTS OF AN ATOM</i> QUICK GOOGLE-FU. Oh yeah! Protons, electrons, blah-blah-blahtrons! But the charges, too?? THIS IS HARD I’D RATHER BE SHOPPING. I skimmed through their science books and got the basics back into my mind. I could do this. I could teach them the parts of an atom! I am a Substitute Teacher Extraordinaire! *cue trumpets*</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">Their teacher decided to stay inside the classroom and test her kids individually, which made me super nervous because I had this fear she would stop me in the middle of the lesson and say OMFG YOU ARE SO WRONG HOW DID THEY LET YOU NEAR KIDS?! and I would be horrified. So the science lesson began, and the kids got their books out. And I nervously started talking about the parts of an atom. </p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">I turned the atom into a dinner party. And I turned the parts into anthropomorphic beings. I was like “So Electron…he’s negative. What else does negative mean? Right, always thinking the worst, no fun to be around…so that’s why he can’t be in the party in the nucleus, because he’s such a bummer. He hangs out outside of the nucleus. We don’t invite negative electrons to this raging nucleus party, right?”</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">This is what Electron looked like to me.</p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/S_6fO3xTZcI/AAAAAAAAALM/4bvA1j_AuhU/s1600/electron.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 243px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/S_6fO3xTZcI/AAAAAAAAALM/4bvA1j_AuhU/s400/electron.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5475989274766828994" border="0" /></a></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">And here were the others:</p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/S_6frzeqzqI/AAAAAAAAALU/rO922IMzjnc/s1600/proton.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 243px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/S_6frzeqzqI/AAAAAAAAALU/rO922IMzjnc/s400/proton.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5475989771831135906" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/S_6gCU5avwI/AAAAAAAAALc/UOeNjAZFIpA/s1600/neutron.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 243px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_um84RzdMUVU/S_6gCU5avwI/AAAAAAAAALc/UOeNjAZFIpA/s400/neutron.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5475990158758821634" border="0" /></a></p><p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">Proton (who’s so positive) and Neutron (the neutral one, who’s very chill) and just as I was about to continue, their teacher said “Excuse me, just a second.”</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">I froze. She was going to yell at me for turning science into some lame dinner party. I KNEW IT I DON’T KNOW SCIENCE I FAILED!! <i style="">I JUST WANT TO TEACH HISTORY! OMG I AM SORRY!!</i></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">She turned to the kids and said “Boys and girls, I really hope you’re writing this all down just like she’s saying it, because this is awesome! You really need to pay attention to this!”</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">Me:<span style="font-weight: bold;"> 0_0 </span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">Really?! <i style="">Awesome</i>?! The Atomic Dinner Party was a hit?! A HIT?! I TAUGHT SOMETHING IN SCIENCE?!!!</p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">OMFG GO MISS P!!!</p> <input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3559033859790281991.post-15294946768571264592010-05-26T08:53:00.000-07:002010-05-26T08:54:42.740-07:00Cheers!Seen on a 3rd grade poster, "All About Me"<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">When I grow up, I want to be a bartender.<br /><br /><br /></span>Bless his heart<span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">.<br /></span><input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden"><div id="refHTML"></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1