bewbs

Today, little J in 4^th grade decided that his math worksheet drawing of a genie needed a little something extra, and he decided that extra was boobs. Yup, he added breasts to it. He drew two large circles on the genie’s chest, with two dots inside to represent the world’s smallest nipples (which also makes me assume he hasn’t actually seen real breasts, and yes, I’m critiquing his drawing skills). I was not aware of his little foray into nude sketching until his neighbor A frantically called me like something was on fire, yelling “Miss P!!! Miss P!! He drew something BAD!!!!” (I’m not sure what is weirder, J’s apparent early fascination with them, or A’s reaction of sheer pants-pissing horror). “MISS P!!! HE’S DRAWING BAD STUFF!!!” Think of the children!! MY GOD!!!

When I saw the circles, I immediately pursed my lips to hide my smile, and turned my head to try to stop the laughter. I called the class aide over and said “Um, Miss D, can you please handle this…um, issue… with the paper…?” She cracked a small smile and called J over to her desk. I faced the white board and laughed because I am 12. I heard Miss D saying “Is this an appropriate drawing for school?” LOL NO. “Would you want your mother to see this drawing?” LOL NO. If he was clever, he could have made the defense of just simply drawing circles in an ode to geometry, because he really loved math. But nope, it was strictly for the boobs. Those boobs cost him a pin pull-down on the behavior chart. I’m pretty sure boobs will get him into more trouble in the future.

Today in 4^th grade, a shirtless genie on a math worksheet was given boobs. Happy Friday!

Scent of Forever

Today I had a student named Essence Eternity.

Just...

yep.

Apologies

Remember those terrible first graders? The ones that made me want to drink and reduced me to cheering myself up with pictures of cats? Well, their teacher is a friend of mine, and she gave me some letters they had written in apology to me for such bad behavior. Cue the most adorable notes, ever.



I love that he tells me I am smart. That had nothing to do with his behavior but he felt like including it. This boy is going to be really good at apologizing to women when he's older.



"I am sorry I behaving like that because I love you."

OMG I LOVE YOU TOO THAT IS SO SWEET I FORGIVE YOU

So they are back in my good graces. And I am sure they will ruin it 5 minutes into my next day with them. Yay first grade!

Chairs

Chair-tippers work my nerves. Not only because they distract me as they wobble unsteadily on the back legs of their chair like they’re in some grade school version of Cirque du Soleil, but because I get nervous that they will fall and crack their heads on the tile floors. I only have CPR training, guys. Also, I can use a defibrillator, I know the Heimlich, and I’m massively dramatic, and none of those will help a kid with a head injury. I warn kids, I tell them they will be very hurt (though I doubt anyone has ever gone to the ER from falling out of their chair, though I make it seem that way) and then I take their chairs away so they can stand for a bit. Maybe that’ll learn ‘em!



Also, you never feel like more of a mammoth than when you sit in a kindergartener’s chair. Also, a tad ridiculous.

Urine Trouble Now

Well, my fantastic Spring Break came to an end and it was back to work today for me in 5^th grade. I got to introduce the kids to the wonders of the excretory system and hear them giggle every single time I uttered the words “urine” or “urethra.” I reminded them that we were all mature and were studying scientifically, so we needed to focus and understand how our bodies remove waste, but I might as well have shouted “YOU MAKE PEE-PEE IN THE POTTY!!” for all the scientific focus they had on excretion.

I also accompanied them to a dental check-up done by the school district in their fancy-shmancy dental trailer that roams from school to school checking the mouths of dragon-breath kids (I wrote about this issue before). I felt sorry for that dentist. I’m surprised he didn’t have a gas-mask on. At the end of the day, I got to hand out toothbrushes and make a plea on behalf of teachers everywhere that they all BRUSH THEIR TEETH at least TWICE a day, PLEASE.

And so went the day. Only 49 more school days left until summer!

yay!

No, the students did not finally get to me; I'm on Spring Break! :D
I'll be back to work on Monday, April 12th, with more shenanigans to share.

Miss P's Most Commonly Used Phrases

If I was made into one of those dolls that you pull a string and it talks, this is what it would say:

“Shhhhhhh”

“Don’t touch him”

"Yes, I am the sub."

“Put it away”

“No”

“Please sit down”

"I need to see quiet mouths and quiet hands!" (only to lower than 4th grade)

“If I find out who did that, they are going to be in serious trouble. Serious. [pause for dramatic effect] Trouble.”

“Too much talking. Let’s pretend nobody in this class is friends. Stop talking to each other.”

“If I find out who threw that, they are going to be in SERIOUS. TROUBLE.
SERIOUS. [glare at suspected perp] TROUBLE. [attempt to shoot lasers out of your eyes]



There is never enough E in the world.