Tuesday, February 9, 2010


I started the day off with my cardigan on me inside out and only noticed when my mom said "Hey, that looks wrong" and I said "No, it just looks that way" and she said "Okay, then why is the tag on the outside?" and lo and behold, it was inside out. This might not be so sad for me if this was an isolated incident. But alas, I have done this several times. Several. Like, in the last month.

I think the problem is that I often hang up my clothes as I take them off, which is inside out, because I have the undressing skills of the average 4 year old and my clothes come off in a tangled heap. And so not to wrinkle them, I put them on the hanger however I get them. And if my mom hadn't saved me (and subsequently laughed her ass off) I would be known as that sub who dresses herself in the dark.

I just read the sub note from the day before and these kids are monsters. Ugh. I am waiting for them to get here, but gosh I am already dreading it. I hate being mean and firm and all that. But if I act like myself, which is pretty mellow, they go nuts. It's like a free-for-all to behave like they're chimpanzees on a crack binge. You'd think they'd take my mellow vibe and get mellow themselves, but the preteen brain works in opposites. Mathematically, it becomes:

Me+crazy=them+calm. Me+calm=them+crazy(x4).

And this teacher's classroom is making me claustrophobic. Weirdest arrangement possible, the desks are all cluttered together in uneven rows and her desk is shoved into a cramped corner with stuff everywhere. Ugh. I do not get how teachers can function like this. I really feel that kids take the vibe of the room and exemplify it in their behavior. I wish I could just be blunt and tell them, "Look, what I need you to do today...actually, the only thing I need you to do today, is to CALM THE HELL DOWN. That's it. Just CALM DOWN. I don't even care if you doodle in your notebooks for the full hour, my day will be exponentially better if you are all quiet and calm, because my only goal as a substitute teacher is to survive to 3 o'clock. Thank you."

I wish.

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