assemblies

I am not an intimidating person. I can't even scare little birds out of my garden. And I am not an intimidating teacher. I prefer to use positive reinforcement and all that other hokey hippie-kumbaya-around-the-campfire-love-yourself stuff they teach you in Teacher School. Also, I like stickers.

But when it comes to school assemblies, Miss P turns into a raging hosebeast. School assemblies are a chance for the children to congregate and watch a performance or see their classmates win awards, and they are a chance for teachers to show everyone else how well-behaved their kids are. The principal is there, the vice-principal is there. Parents are there. EVERYONE IS THERE. And I never want to be That Sub. The one that cannot control her gaggle of juice-box hooligans to sit through an assembly and not embarrass her. It has happened to me before. I took some 4th graders to an assembly once, and it was for a fundraiser. The man showing the kids all the neat little prizes they could win thought it would be a good idea to toss some of them into the crowd. Three of MY BOYS dove for the little action figure and none of them was letting go. They tumbled in front of everyone, rolling and pulling and fighting like lion cubs and the PRINCIPAL came to yank them away. Who was the Substitute responsible for these hoodlums??!


Hi.



So I make sure to give them a SERIOUS WARNING before we enter the assembly.







I don't even ask. I tell. I'm all "YOU WILL BE QUIET. YOU WILL SIT CRIS-CROSS APPLESAUCE WITH YOUR HANDS IN YOUR LAP AND YOU WILL PAY ATTENTION. AND IF I LOOK AT YOU AND I SEE NONSENSE, YOU WILL SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY HANGING BY YOUR ANKLES FROM THE JUNGLE-GYM IN THE OFFICE. IS THAT CLEAR?!"





I want to apologize to the kids afterwards and tell them I don't mean to be so stern, but I really, REALLY need them to be good and not make me look even more incompetent than I naturally appear. I wish they would just understand that. I wish I didn't have to use my light-saber and make such mean faces. *sigh* It is what it is.